Real Facts: 25 Reasons Why Life Without A Girlfriend Rules!

“I don’t have to spend money on her.”

One lesson all of us learn very early in life-money is important. You can do a lot more useful things with your pocket-money than buying I-love-you-more-than-cards-can-say cards or some such stuff, which benefits no-one except the card-shop guy. So, no girlfriend=more money!

“I won’t get boring results in my board papers.”

You skip tv, pool, the Net, friends, drag yourself to the desk and finally get to your books… and what goes? Out pops the face of a girl, making a horrible face at you for not paying enough attention to her. It is an unsaid universal rule-’If you have a girlfriend, she shall pop out of textbooks.’ The choice is yours.

“If I don’t have a girlfriend, she can’t dump me!”

It’s simple. If there is no-one to say ‘I love you’, there is no-one to say ‘I don’t love you any more’. If there are no promises, no-one can break them. Why suspect, be unsure, insecure, get hurt, cry, take ten thousand years to get over her, when all you need to do is say a crisp and quick ‘no, thanks’ when she asks you the dreaded question?!

“I won’t have to tolerate someone else defining ‘wrong’ and ‘right’ for me.”

We spend all our lives being told by our folks what to do, how much to do, for how long… and then where we went wrong, why we went wrong, to what extent, and why we are just incapable of doing anything right. Do you really need another person (read gf) to do the same thing to you, all over again, in a much more horrifying and threatening fashion?!

“We can stare at any girl without being glared at by another.”

A thing of beauty is a joy forever… Yeah? Ha! You wish, baby, you wish. Once you acquire the tag of ‘boyfriend’, this line takes a slight twist.

A thing of beauty is your girlfriend, and no-one else. And if you make the mistake of finding another, then… A thing of beauty is banned forever.

“No girlfriend, no emotional blackmail. Simple.”

If a friend asks you to go out with her when you have to be somewhere else, what do you do? Simply tell her, right? Right. Now, take this simple test. Ask her to be your girlfriend, and give her the same answer in the same sitch. Then, watch. When instead of, ‘Oh, ok, cool,’ you hear a dissection of your feelings for her in about 4,500 words, you’ll know why this article was written.

“Because having a gf is hot, not having one is automatically cool! And I’d love to be a cool guy!”

Bet you never thought about that, didja?! If you wanna be cool, stay away, far, far away from what is, or supposed to be, hot. Simple. So, the next time you look at a hot thing (girl, yaar), and get all ready to chase her, think again. And again.

“Going around really takes you round and round in circles, you never know where you are.”

If you expect her to be there for you, you want to own her. If you are not around when she wants, you’re a creep. If she hurt you, you’re touchy. If you hurt her by human error, you’re a creep. When she thinks it gets heavy, she asks you to cool off. If you wanna cool off a bit, you are, yes, a creep.

“There can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring.”

Life is full of waiting. You wait for the school bus, then for your fave period, then for school to get over, then for the evening and then for Saturday and then… for this list to end. Get a gf and one of the most painful waits joins the list-for the phone to ring. Believe me, this one, you don’t want.

“Girlfriends can get so possessive that you can’t do anything according to your wishes anymore.”

If you look at a girl for a second longer than she thinks is right, you are over. If you talk to your mates for a minute more than you talk to her, you don’t care about her. Girlfriends can get so possessive that you can get psycho nightmares in which she is the prehistoric dragon lady out to swallow you. Whole.

“I won’t have to waste paper writing love letters.”

Gfs expect you to write letters declaring your love. And, to write that letter, which must be at least six pages long, you waste not only the pages but thrice that number trying to get it right. Gfs are environmentally unfriendly.

“I won’t have to see boring love stories instead of action thrillers.”

Guys just wanna have fun. And what better way to have fun than to go and watch some good dishoom-dishaam, yeah! So what’s the prob? It is called ‘girlfriend’. Somebody has told this species that watching romantic together makes your heart grow fonder. And if you refuse… hahaha-try it. Just you try it.

“I can have a good night’s sleep-no need to dream about her.”

Need to dream? Find that a bit, uh, weird? You are obviously living in the bliss which comes with not having a gf. You’ll know what we mean when someone asks you sweetly at 6:30 every morning, ‘Did you dream of me?’ Whatever you do, don’t say no. Trust us.

“I can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family life.”

You get two bucks in the name of pocket-money, you save it for the whole year, till it is time again (her birthday, man) to spend all of it on something you think is the most special thing you’ve ever bought and what does she say? ‘What made you think I would want that?!’ Not worth it, man, save yourself first!

“No more endless waiting for your date to arrive at some weird shop/place.”

Seen that guy waiting for his gf to arrive in a hushed-up corner, so that no-one even remotely related to her can see them? Seen every passerby give him a dodgy look as if he is a criminal waiting to strike? Are you that guy?

“I can have more guy friends as I will have more time for them.”

A boyfriend’s day starts with his gf and ends with her. She’s the timer. Get up, call her. Think of her all day. God help him if you both are in the same school, but if luckily you are not, then, come back and call her. Come the evening… call her or meet her until it’s night and you know all about the dreaming thing. Imagine a life without the gf! With all that time on your hands, even the introvertest of introverts will have a life.

“I won’t have to lie to anybody and, therefore, I’ll sin less.”

Right since conception we are threatened with the paap-ka-ghara-bhar-raha-hai talk. We go through life in constant fear of overfilling the paap ka ghara, always sneaking in a good deed here and there to maintain the level. Let’s face it-you have a girl friend, you gotta lie. And we all know what lying does to the ghara.

“I won’t lose a good friend over a little fight or something.”

Making real friends is tough. And making real friends of the oppo-sex is tougher. You risk getting slapped, take pains to understand her, stress yourself with her girl-talk and finally become good friends. Then you fall in love. You hide stuff you used to wait to tell her, and soon you can’t recognise your friend at all. The choice is between a pal for life and a few months of torture. Choose life.

“We get to give more flowers on Rose Day.”

Can’t ignore this-flowers spread joy. Spreading joy adds to your good deeds, which means a smooth road to heaven! So what’s that got to do with a gf? Ever tried to give flowers, forget roses, to another girl in front of your gf? Did someone say joy?

“I won’t have to fight over having a ‘special’ friend with my folks!”

Let’s face it-the parents give you the green stuff. Offending them means no money, no smiles-and piercing looks every half-an-hour. So, when they ask you, ‘Why does Ritu call you so often?’ you know you are in deep you-know-what. The pain of having the girlfriend + the pain of offending your parents = no-no.

“No nonstop nonsense.”

Girls love to talk. Good for them. But, when it comes to gfs, you can’t brush it off so easily. Only a guy who has suffered knows what we mean. Go up to a guy who has a gf and say ‘I want to talk to you’. Horror mixed with a ‘what did I do now?’ look will tell you all. No gf, no need to ‘talk’.

“I won’t drown in the pool of her tears!”

Whoever said that diamonds are a girl’s best friend doesn’t know squat. Tears, buddy, tears. Whenever you say anything that is even slightly hurtful (according to her), the tap runneth over. If you keep talking, you’re heartless. If you don’t… well, she got her way, didn’t she?!

“No tension.”

Worrying about how you look, what you say, where you go, what you spend, who you meet, for how long… all this comes in an undetachable package with a gf. Then comes stressing about what you say to her (not to mention your folks), what not to say, remembering to compliment her-always, recounting every ‘significant’ date in your relationship. Why take all this tension, man? We mean, how would you look with grey hair sticking out of your head at 16?

“I can be myself.”

Humans strive hard for perfection. Boyfriends should just give up. You are always either indifferent or too possessive, stonehearted or too senti, stuck-up or a flirt, spendthrift or stingy. Bfs can never be just right, and the first job that a gf takes on is to completely re-do you and turn you into a Perfect Human Being. And you’re not even sure what species you are!

“I won’t have to hide the telephone bills!”

The phone bill is a deadly thing. It’s the only bill you need to worry about, whatever you age, sex or creed. The minute you are old enough to talk, you are ready to worry about the phone bill. Not because you’ve to pay it, but worse, because you’ve to explain it. The answer? Talk less. With a gf, that can’t be. You know what to do.